So as an atheist, you...
So as an atheist, you believe in disappointment, and pain, and science. I can say this because I was an atheist. Looking back now I had faith in more things than I do now since becoming a christian. I trust in God. That’s all.
People fail. Nature fails. Who do we think we are to put the blame on anyone else but ourselves for the mistakes of this world? we blame things that we can’t see…that should speak for itself why we should take responsibility. Christians feel disappointment…more than non- Christians. Trust me, I know. I look heavenward and wonder why all these horrible things happen and feel the deepest sorrow. I also know that God is bigger than this. He is in control. Know why? Because bad things happen, but they never last. There’s always an end. And he promises that in the Bible. It’s very hard to trust in someone you can’t see, but we blame Him for our problems, so deep down we believe that he’s there. Just maybe not someone we would like to worship.
But let’s be serious. He claims to be all good…he claims to love unconditionally, he claims forgiveness forever, so what proof do we actually have that the bad things are his fault? Our own view of him. When bad things happen, I feel the weight of that. It’s MY sin, not God’s. I can sit here and talk to you until I am blue in the face, but you have to experience how God is different for yourself. He asks nothing from you but expects everything. The saddest part of being an atheist is looking around for someone to thank when you are happy, and no ones there, cause you don’t believe. It’s waking up at night and thinking…halfway believing that God exists, just to barely keep existing, but then reminding yourself not to feel, because feelings are bad and fleeting.
Knowing that when you do question the possible existence of God that the next bad thing that happens will make you not believe. Let me tell you, I had more faith then than I do now. I know that it’s the bad things in the past that make you not trust God, or anyone for that matter, but I can tell you that you believe. You believe in yourself. You only trust yourself, and believe that the decisions you make each day, as small as they may be, are the right ones for you. You have your best interest at heart. God is not a feeling. Christianity is not a feeling. It’s a knowledge. It’s a faith practice. I have learned that when I became a Christian I have no rights. I gave up myself to the Lord and what he wants for me.
Even as I am writing this, it sounds crazy. But it works. I learn every day that the Lord’s ways are not our ways. His love is not our love. I do not understand God. He is not to be defined. That is what gives him the most glory is to sit back and say “God I do not know what you are always about, I do not understand you, but you do. I know your bigger than me and my issues. Work your will”.
C.S. Lewis once said ” A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell”. That is so true. When bad things happen, we either run to God, or blame him. And it’s always the God of the Bible, not Allah, or the Dali Llama, or what have you. Deep down we all know he exists. We just deny because for some crazy reason we think we are better.