Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
– Ambrose Bierce

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
– Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
– Ambrose Bierce

Bride, n. – A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
– Ambrose Bierce

Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
– Ambrose Bierce

Politeness, The most acceptable hypocrisy.
– Ambrose Bierce

Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law.
– Ambrose Bierce

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
– Ambrose Bierce

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
– Ambrose Bierce

Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
– Ambrose Bierce

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
– Ambrose Bierce

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
– Ambrose Bierce

Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
– Ambrose Bierce

Genius – to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul
of things.
– Ambrose Bierce

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
– Ambrose Bierce

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
– Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
– Ambrose Bierce

Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
– Ambrose Bierce

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
— Ambrose Bierce

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
– Ambrose Bierce

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