Quotes by Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
– Erma Bombeck

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
– Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
– Erma Bombeck

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
– Erma Bombeck

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.
– Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
– Erma Bombeck

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren’t two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy’s permission, blessings, and money to survive.
— Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
— Erma Bombeck

Laugh now, cry later.
– Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
– Erma Bombeck

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
— Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.
— Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
– Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
– Erma Bombeck

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