Fran Lebowitz Quotes

American author, public speaker, and occasional actor

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Think before you speak. Read before you think.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
– Fran Lebowitz

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The best fame is a writer’s fame. It’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Sleep is death without the responsibility.
– Fran Lebowitz

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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
– Fran Lebowitz

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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
– Fran Lebowitz

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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.”
– Fran Lebowitz

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I believe in talking behind people’s backs.
That way,they hear it more than once”
– Fran Lebowitz

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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
– Fran Lebowitz

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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
– Fran Lebowitz

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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Do not elicit your child’s political opinions. He doesn’t know any more than you do.

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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
– Fran Lebowitz

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