Quotes by Groucho Marx

38

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx

11

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

1

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx

3

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

2

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

3

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
- Groucho Marx

10

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
- Groucho Marx

15

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx

7

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
- Groucho Marx

1

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

0

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- GROUCHO MARX

0

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
- Groucho Marx

6

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

6

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
- Groucho Marx

5

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
- Groucho Marx

3

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
- Groucho Marx

1

I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that.
- Groucho Marx

4

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
- Groucho Marx

6

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx

0

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
- Groucho Marx

15

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
- Groucho Marx

8

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

2

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Groucho Marx

3

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
- Groucho Marx

0

If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
- Groucho Marx

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