Quotes by Groucho Marx

38

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
– Groucho Marx

12

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
– Groucho Marx

3

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
– Groucho Marx

2

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
– Groucho Marx

3

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx

3

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
– Groucho Marx

10

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Groucho Marx

15

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
– Groucho Marx

6

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
– Groucho Marx

6

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
– Groucho Marx

0

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
– GROUCHO MARX

0

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
– Groucho Marx

1

I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that.
– Groucho Marx

10

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
– Groucho Marx

4

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
– Groucho Marx

4

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
– Groucho Marx

7

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
– Groucho Marx

3

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
– Groucho Marx

21

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
– Groucho Marx

3

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
– Groucho Marx

9

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
– Groucho Marx

2

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
– Groucho Marx

12

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx

2

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
– Groucho Marx

Quote: A black cat crossing your path signifies...

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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
– Groucho Marx

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