Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: If a book about failures doesn’t sell,...

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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: A bookstore is one of the only...

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The best revenge is living well.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: The best revenge is living well. –...

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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
– Jerry Seinfeld

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out”.
– Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they...

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A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
– Jerry Seinfeld

What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
– Jerry Seinfeld

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: According to most studies, people’s number one...

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