2 Phyllis Diller Quotes - (20 Quotes) - CoolNSmart

Quotes by Phyllis Diller

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
– Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
– Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
– Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
– Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
– Phyllis Diller

Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
– Phyllis Diller

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run.
– Phyllis Diller

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
– Phyllis Diller

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
– Phyllis Diller

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
– Phyllis Diller

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
– Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
– Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
– Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, “Is this milk fresh?” He said, “Lady, three hours ago it was grass.”
– Phyllis Diller

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