Quotes by Rita Rudner

0

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
– Rita Rudner

4

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.
– Rita Rudner

4

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
– Rita Rudner

6

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
– Rita Rudner

12

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
– Rita Rudner

0

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.
– Rita Rudner

1

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
– Rita Rudner

0

When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”
– Rita Rudner

8

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
– Rita Rudner

0

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
– Rita Rudner

6

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
– Rita Rudner

5

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
– Rita Rudner

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