Quotes by Steven Wright

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
– Steven Wright

Quote: What happens if you get scared half...

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Did you sleep well?
No, I made a couple of mistakes.
– Steven Wright

Quote: Did you sleep well? No, I made...

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I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
– Steven Wright

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Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
– Steven Wright

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
– Steven Wright

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
– Steven Wright

Quote: If warm air rises, Heaven could be...

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
– Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
– Steven Wright

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self- help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
– Steven Wright

What is the speed of dark?
– Steven Wright

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