2 Woody Allen Quotes - (25 Quotes) - CoolNSmart

Quotes by Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
– Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
– Woody Allen

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
– Woody Allen

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
– Woody Allen

As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
– Woody Allen

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
– Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
– Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
– Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
– Woody Allen

To you, I’m an atheist. To God, I’m the loyal opposition.
– Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
– Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
– Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.
– Woody Allen

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
– Woody Allen

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