Quotes by Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen

Quote: If only God would give me some...

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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
– Woody Allen

Quote: Eighty percent of success is showing up....

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When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
– Woody Allen

Quote: When we played softball, I’d steal second...

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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
– Woody Allen

As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
– Woody Allen

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
– Woody Allen

Quote: In my house I’m the boss, my...

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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
– Woody Allen

Quote: I think crime pays. The hours are...

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The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
– Woody Allen

Quote: The difference between sex and love is...

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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
– Woody Allen

Quote: Money is better than poverty, if only...

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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
– Woody Allen

Quote: Life is full of misery, loneliness, and...

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