Divorce Quotes and Sayings
A friend of mine recently divorced his wife after 37 years. He said he was looking for a some-sex relationship.
– Greg Tamblyn
Our parents got divorced when we were kids, and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and the car. We were all excited. My dad got some luggage.
– Tom Arnold
Even as a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me … and no one showed up.
– Rodney Dangerfield
It’s hard to talk to divorced men, always sensitive from the divorce. They take things the wrong way. “Nice day, don’t you think?” “I don’t want to make a commitment.” “Want half of my ice cream?” “I don’t want half of anything anymore.”
– Elayne Boosler
Half of all marriages end in divorce — and then there are the really unhappy ones.
– Joan Rivers
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed.
– Jay Leno
When it comes to divorce, absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure cuts down on the gunplay.
– Eileen Courtney
I wasn’t actually divorced. I was traded.
– Tim Conway
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
– Henny Youngman
When I divorced I went through the various stages of grieving: anger, denial, and dancing around with my settlement check.
– Maura Kennedy
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.
– Jack Benny
Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
– Rita Rudner
I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.
– Heinrich Heine
I make mistakes, I’ll be the second to admit it.
– Jean Kerr
I’m not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow.
– Roseanne Barr