Divorce Quotes and Sayings

It’s hard to talk to divorced men, always sensitive from the divorce. They take things the wrong way. “Nice day, don’t you think?” “I don’t want to make a commitment.” “Want half of my ice cream?” “I don’t want half of anything anymore.”
– Elayne Boosler

Half of all marriages end in divorce — and then there are the really unhappy ones.
– Joan Rivers

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed.
– Jay Leno

When it comes to divorce, absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure cuts down on the gunplay.
– Eileen Courtney

I wasn’t actually divorced. I was traded.
– Tim Conway

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
– Henny Youngman

When I divorced I went through the various stages of grieving: anger, denial, and dancing around with my settlement check.
– Maura Kennedy

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.
– Jack Benny

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.
– Heinrich Heine


I make mistakes, I’ll be the second to admit it.
– Jean Kerr

I’m not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow.
– Roseanne Barr

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
– Don Quinn

I got divorced recently. It was a mixed marriage. I’m human, he’s Klingon.
– Carol Leifer

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.
– Lewis Grizzard

If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?

Divorce isn’t just the person, it’s everything that goes with it – your kids, the adjustment, everything.
– Peter Andre

Let any pretty girl announce a divorce in Hollywood and the wolves come running. Fresh meat for the beast, and they are always hungry.
– Hedy Lamarr

I thought the divorce statistics would never apply to me. I was beyond heartbroken when they did. But I got up and got on with it. I also kept my belief in marriage.
– Jennifer Garner

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
Mignon McLaughlin

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