Facebook Status Quotes

I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?

I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.

My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

47% of all statistics are worthless.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!

I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.

James is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.

Steven is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Steven may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Steven is right for you.

Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”

Jessie took the “Are you spending too much time on Facebook” quiz and the result is “No – You should spend much more time”. Jessie shot the computer.

Cleo really wishes she could but, I’m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.

Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

Lauren lives vicariously… through herself.

Neal is nealing the neally neal with the help of his close neal.

Liz is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.

Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.

Sonia has found love in facebook. She is from Bangladesh and “vhan day vill reesh amehica”.

Claire is disturbed by abominable quadrupeds.

Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.

James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.

Erick is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.

Jay feels ashamed of his smoking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs.

Jack will update his Facebook status for money!

Ruby says it’s been a business doing pleasure with you.

Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!

James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.

Rob is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?

Jolene understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.

105 Comments to “Facebook Status Quotes”

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  • 1. a$h wrote on 12 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating450 Subtract rating416 

    Don’t do drugs…give them to me.

  • 2. amal wrote on 12 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating1712 Subtract rating278 

    This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

  • 3. amal wrote on 12 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating129 Subtract rating205 

    Jake is hoping that if he stays in Facebook land long enough, the cleaning fairies will come…….?

  • 4. amal wrote on 12 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating477 Subtract rating98 

    I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?…. Do I really have nothing better to do!

  • 5. amal wrote on 12 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating270 Subtract rating72 

    Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

  • 6. supermarket wrote on 14 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating237 Subtract rating235 

    Stop writing Love quotes on your Facebook..It’ll hurt you more than you know.

  • 7. Drew wrote on 16 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating246 Subtract rating78 

    I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.

  • 8. liz wrote on 16 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating168 Subtract rating119 

    Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode…

  • 9. Stephane bolduc wrote on 17 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating103 Subtract rating52 

    Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time!!

  • 10. Rose wrote on 17 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating142 Subtract rating107 

    After 11 years in living in the same house i found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.

    3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???

  • 11. Stupidgirl wrote on 20 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating274 Subtract rating344 

    Teacher: WHERES YOUR HOMEWORK?
    Student: Facebook distracted me from doing it
    Teacher: Ohh why didn’t you say so!?!

  • 12. Chloe wrote on 22 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating158 Subtract rating117 

    Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do i wonder about something else hummmm, i wonder !!

  • 13. Mark Redd wrote on 23 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating302 Subtract rating53 

    Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.

  • 14. Lakiyah King wrote on 23 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating640 Subtract rating66 

    A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

  • 15. christian wrote on 26 March, 2010
     Vote: Add rating124 Subtract rating888 

    If you read this…then you are a retard.

  • 16. David wrote on 1 April, 2010
     Vote: Add rating210 Subtract rating129 

    David loves animals. Especially the sweet and sour chicken.

  • 17. baylorswimgal wrote on 2 April, 2010
     Vote: Add rating160 Subtract rating160 

    If you’re trying to stay outta trouble, don’t talk to me.

  • 18. Mike111 wrote on 2 April, 2010
     Vote: Add rating254 Subtract rating63 

    I moaned because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

  • 19. Jubin wrote on 3 April, 2010
     Vote: Add rating308 Subtract rating65 

    Your Intelligence is my COMMON SENSE.

  • 20. lisa wrote on 4 April, 2010
     Vote: Add rating183 Subtract rating142 

    Half-way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as i thought…

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