Facebook Status Quotes
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.
47% of all statistics are worthless.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.
James is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.
Steven is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Steven may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Steven is right for you.
Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”
Jessie took the “Are you spending too much time on Facebook” quiz and the result is “No – You should spend much more time”. Jessie shot the computer.
Cleo really wishes she could but, I’m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
Lauren lives vicariously… through herself.
Neal is nealing the neally neal with the help of his close neal.
Liz is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Sonia has found love in facebook. She is from Bangladesh and “vhan day vill reesh amehica”.
Claire is disturbed by abominable quadrupeds.
Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
Erick is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
Jay feels ashamed of his smoking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs.
Jack will update his Facebook status for money!
Ruby says it’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
Rob is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?
Jolene understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
Don’t do drugs…give them to me.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
Jake is hoping that if he stays in Facebook land long enough, the cleaning fairies will come…….?
I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?…. Do I really have nothing better to do!
Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
Stop writing Love quotes on your Facebook..It’ll hurt you more than you know.
I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.
Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode…
Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time!!
After 11 years in living in the same house i found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.
3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???
Teacher: WHERES YOUR HOMEWORK?
Student: Facebook distracted me from doing it
Teacher: Ohh why didn’t you say so!?!
Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do i wonder about something else hummmm, i wonder !!
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.
If you read this…then you are a retard.
David loves animals. Especially the sweet and sour chicken.
If you’re trying to stay outta trouble, don’t talk to me.
I moaned because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Your Intelligence is my COMMON SENSE.
Half-way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as i thought…