Facebook Status Quotes
If you see me smiling in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head
My ex girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.
Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.
I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking.
Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.
Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.
Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!
Not a Facebook fantasy
Quit acting like someone else.
If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.
I’ll change my gender to ‘female’ and my name to ‘Linda’. So when I post an update, people will rush to like them.
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook.
One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts.
And the others are men.
That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.
Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.
In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ‘em not to f*** with you.
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can Like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.
If you follow me on Facebook, you are a stalker.
That’s Twitter moron.
I am currently restructuring my multinational Facebook friends list. I have decided to be within a manageable level of friends for control purposes. I am stream- lining my own time online so I can do other things with more meaning. This means, I will only retain responsive, active friends. This is my way of cost cutting my energy from reading non sense updates, humorless comments and unnecessary feedback. So until I get round to unfriending you “You know who you are”, either from self delete or from myself having to use the the bye bye button on you, this is only so my time is my own again.
P.S. If you are reading this then hello Facebook friend.
Facebook is the only book that we read everyday.
If a girl has 550 likes and 394 comments in her picture on Facebook, it can only mean one thing:
So I tried this interesting new recipe; beer can chicken. You actually cook the whole chicken with a can of beer inside. The recipe only calls for one beer. I bought a six pack and drank the first five before beginning to prepare the meal. Strange but I must have missed the line in the recipe that said to “Open” the can before inserting into the chicken. When a can of beer is heated to 375 degrees, it reacts by “Self opening” what a mess to clean up.
If you don’t like me well honey you don’t have to.
What starts with f and ends in uck?!. Firetruck.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
Facebook should have a “Please stop writing stupid encouraging messages” button.