Facebook Status Quotes - Page 4
STATUS UPDATE MONDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “FED EX” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE TUESDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “UPS” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE WEDNESDAY: I just received another anonymous tip that both companies have merged. “FED UP”
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
Half- way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as I thought…
If you’re trying to stay outta trouble, don’t talk to me.
David loves animals. Especially the sweet and sour chicken.
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do I wonder about something else hummmm, I wonder !!
Teacher: WHERES YOUR HOMEWORK?
Student: Facebook distracted me from doing it
Teacher: Ohh why didn’t you say so!?!
After 11 years in living in the same house I found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.
3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???
Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time!!
Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode…
I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.
Stop writing Love quotes on your Facebook..It’ll hurt you more than you know.
Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do!
Jake is hoping that if he stays in Facebook land long enough, the cleaning fairies will come….?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
Don’t do drugs…give them to me.
Your intelligence is my common sense.
Sonia has found love in Facebook. She is from Bangladesh and “vhan day vill reesh amehica”.
Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
47% of all statistics are worthless.
Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?
Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
Claire is disturbed by abominable quadrupeds.
James is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
Rob is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?
Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Steven is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Steven may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Steven is right for you.
Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.