Quotes for your Facebook Status | Status Update Gems - Page 4

Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.

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Behind every successful Facebook update there’s ctrl+c & ctrl +v.

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If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

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Dear Facebook, Where’s the “DUH” button?

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Stop writing love quotes on your facebook.. It will hurt you more than you know.

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Half- way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as I thought…

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Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

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Facebook is like a fridge, you check it every 5 minutes even though you know that there is nothing there.

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After 11 years in living in the same house I found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.
3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???

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Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.

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If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

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I’m cle’a[ni.ng m’y’ ke]yb36oa;rd.

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Jonathan is applying geometry to his everyday life: no squares are allowed in my inner circle.

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Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

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Dear Facebook would it be too much to ask for you to just shut down for one day so I could get some things of importance done? Just kidding, really don’t do that.

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My life, my rules, so keep your nose out of my business.

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I failed my online quiz, did great on my FB status.

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Face your problems; don’t Facebook them.

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I’m going on a date with my pillow!! Goodnight!!:)

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STATUS UPDATE MONDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “FED EX” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE TUESDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “UPS” will be going out of business soon.
STATUS UPDATE WEDNESDAY: I just received another anonymous tip that both companies have merged. “FED UP”

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