Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.
Behind every successful Facebook update there’s ctrl+c & ctrl +v.
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
Dear Facebook, Where’s the “DUH” button?
Stop writing love quotes on your facebook.. It will hurt you more than you know.
Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
Half- way through eating a horse and realized…I’m not as hungry as I thought…
Facebook is like a fridge, you check it every 5 minutes even though you know that there is nothing there.
After 11 years in living in the same house I found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet. 3 weeks after my dad changed the place of the door in my house. This morning I ran right into the wall that used to be a door that would be the 5th time???
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!
Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m’y’ ke]yb36oa;rd.
My life, my rules, so keep your nose out of my business.
Face your problems; don’t Facebook them.
Jonathan is applying geometry to his everyday life: no squares are allowed in my inner circle.
Dear Facebook would it be too much to ask for you to just shut down for one day so I could get some things of importance done? Just kidding, really don’t do that.
Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
I failed my online quiz, did great on my FB status.
I’m going on a date with my pillow!! Goodnight!!:)
STATUS UPDATE MONDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “FED EX” will be going out of business soon. STATUS UPDATE TUESDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “UPS” will be going out of business soon. STATUS UPDATE WEDNESDAY: I just received another anonymous tip that both companies have merged. “FED UP”
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