I just edited my friend list. So if you’re still able to read this then congratulations you made it through my first elimination.
Jolene understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… After 3 it should default to “unstable”.
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
“My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what?”
Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”
Why can’t there be a get away from me button or stop poking me stalker button on Facebook…
Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
I watch pom. I bet you read that wrong, didn’t you?
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
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