Facebook Status Quotes

47% of all statistics are worthless.

James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!

Erick is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.

I’m cle’a[ni.ng m’y’ ke]yb36oa;rd.

Jay feels ashamed of his smoking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs.

Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.

Jack will update his Facebook status for money!

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

Ruby says it’s been a business doing pleasure with you.


I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?

Lauren lives vicariously… Through herself.

Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!

James is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

Neal is nealing the neally neal with the help of his close neal.

James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.

I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.


Liz is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Rob is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?

Steven is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Steven may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Steven is right for you.

Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

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