Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings

64

Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”

Submitted by: Bella
88

Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Forget about the past, you can’t change...

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Submitted by: nuttha
44

I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.

Submitted by: XxRobertxX
116

You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo

Submitted by: dana
150

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Growing old is mandatory but growing up...

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Submitted by: Giselle
100

I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: I didn’t forget your birthday, I just...

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Submitted by: rayne kent
77

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22...

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Submitted by: Allison
27

At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.

Submitted by: jossyboy
19

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Submitted by: Roger
18

When you are over the hill you pick up speed!

Submitted by: Bruce K
30

If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

Submitted by: Anthony
28

Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Old enough to know better…Young enough to...

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Submitted by: Angela
2

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman

8

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

28

Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.

Submitted by: Brian Jones
10

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

174

You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: You think you are special JUST because...

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Submitted by: Jaw-Din
29

It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.

Submitted by: someone
10

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
– Eubie Blake

10

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
Samuel Johnson

10

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
– Maurice Chevalier

11

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost

11

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
– John Glenn

31

So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.

Submitted by: Claire
10

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty- five for years.
Oscar Wilde


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