Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings
Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
When you are over the hill you pick up speed!
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
– Erma Bombeck
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.
You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty- five for years.
– Oscar Wilde
Forget the past, you can’t change.
Forget the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen
Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
– John Glenn
The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
– Samuel Johnson
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
– Eubie Blake
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.