Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings


Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”

Submitted by: Bella

Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Forget about the past, you can’t change...

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Submitted by: nuttha

I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.

Submitted by: XxRobertxX

You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo

Submitted by: dana

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Growing old is mandatory but growing up...

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Submitted by: Giselle

I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: I didn’t forget your birthday, I just...

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Submitted by: rayne kent

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22...

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Submitted by: Allison

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman


At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.

Submitted by: jossyboy

When you are over the hill you pick up speed!

Submitted by: Bruce K

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Submitted by: Roger

If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

Submitted by: Anthony

Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: Old enough to know better…Young enough to...

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Submitted by: Angela

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck


It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.

Submitted by: someone

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.


You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
Funny Birthday Quotes Quote: You think you are special JUST because...

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Submitted by: Jaw-Din

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
– Maurice Chevalier


When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen


Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.

Submitted by: Brian Jones

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
– John Glenn


If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
– Eubie Blake


The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
Samuel Johnson


Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty- five for years.
Oscar Wilde


So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.

Submitted by: Claire

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