Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings
Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
When you are over the hill you pick up speed!
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.
The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
- Samuel Johnson
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck
Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
- Maurice Chevalier
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty- five for years.
- Oscar Wilde
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
- Eubie Blake
You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
- John Glenn
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
Of course you’re not old! You aren’t very young either.