Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings
Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
When you are over the hill you pick up speed!
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
- Samuel Johnson
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
- Eubie Blake
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.
Birthdays are like boogers the more you have the harder it is to breath.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck
Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.
Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
- Maurice Chevalier
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty- five for years.
- Oscar Wilde
You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
- John Glenn
I’m not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
Of course you’re not old! You aren’t very young either.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty eight and forty.
- James Thurber
I can’t believe you’re almost 18. You’ll be able to go to jail!
Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
- Robert Frost
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost
You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
When asked how old I am I reply, “Old enough to know better, and young enough to do it again!”
A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
- R. C. Ferguson
How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older? Happy birthday!
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half… Forget that, after I finally learned to talk, my parents were telling me to shut up.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
- Jennifer Yane