Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings

You’re how old? Just be glad your age is not calculated in “Dog years”. They would have put you down by now!

Submitted by: vsmartt

Like a lot of other men my age I have been thirty for ten years now, but I’ve decided today’s the day to move up to thirty one! Come back in ten years and I’ll be turning thirty two.

Submitted by: isabella owens

If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

Submitted by: Anthony

Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.

Submitted by: Dasha

The older you get the bolder you get.

Submitted by: sufyanj

Oohh!!!! Your birthday present, haha!!!! Cute story.

Submitted by: Anna Gooman

I was going to give you a birthday present but every time I touched the box, it would snarl at me.

Submitted by: Anna Goodman

I was going to give you a birthday present, but it wouldn’t stop ticking.

Submitted by: Anna Goodman

Happy birthday!! May you live long enough to sh*t yourself!

Submitted by: Tony

You sure don’t look your age, you look way older! Happy birthday oldie!

Submitted by: Minty
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I don’t know your name, but your birthday cake was delicious.

Submitted by: Jordan

You are not over the hill. You are on top of it and the view is magnificent.

Submitted by: Nina Schmiege

“Happy Birthday” is normally what people tell you every year, but it’s more like “Congrats! You’re officially one year closer to being dead! Good for you!”

Submitted by: yoyoma

Every year someone asks me “What are you doing for your birthday?” and every year I say “Celebrating, idiot!”

Submitted by: jimmyyyy

Happy 29th Birthday! (again)

Submitted by: WisdomWordz

Birthdays are like boogers the more you have the harder it is to breath.

Submitted by: b :)

As you slide down the bannister of life… May the splinters never point the wrong way.

Submitted by: Greg

Celebrating another birthday means another year closer to seeing God’s face.

Submitted by: Rachel

Every year on your birthday, be nice to your kids. The older you get the closer it comes for them to choose a nursing home.

Submitted by: Ela

Birthdays – Too young to forget them and too old to care.

Submitted by: Louise
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It’s proven that at the age 41 you start to lose your memory. We can only hope!

Submitted by: babba boom

Now I’m not saying the professor is old, but if you consider his age – he’s likely to die soon.

Submitted by: Zoidberg (from Futurama)

Too young to die, too old to rock n roll.

Submitted by: bananaprotons

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Submitted by: Roger

I know it’s your birthday but I have no idea how old you are.

Submitted by: kate

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