Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

Golf is a funny game and today seemed to go my way, so it was nice to get off to a good start.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf… and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards ?

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.

I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game, not a sport.

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee.

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf — it’s almost a law.

I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

Lay off for three weeks, and then quit for good.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I can’t play it.

You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.

I realized that the secret to golf isn’t how low you shoot when it’s going good, it’s how to make your bad rounds better.

Golf is not a game of good shots. It’s a game of bad shots.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.

I don’t need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course ?

I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.