Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings
Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf.
Early to bed, early to rise, golf all day & make up lies.
I don’t like your golf tips. I just came here to get flustered in order to cut on my weight.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
- Tiger Woods
Golf is horrifying, humiliating, and humbling, but I can’t wait to do it again.
That ball rolled like a dead rat in a corn field.
That ball came off the club face like a cotton ball.
I really, really do not like golf, I simply just love it.
I now consistently hit the fairways by aiming for the trees on both sides of the fairway.
My most consistent and reliable shot is always the double at the 19th.
I’d rather have my worst day on the golf course, than my best day at work.
Golf is an unusual game. When you have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day, you can’t wait to get back out there.
My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.
Golf has produced a lot of millionaires…most of them are former billionaires.
It says something about the stupidity of a game where the lowest negative score wins.
Golf is flog backwards. And golfing is just one drawn- out self- flogging which costs you money.
Golf was invented by wives to get their husbands out of the house on cleaning day.
If you’ve forgotten what frustration is like, spend 10 minutes on a golf course.
Golf, a sport for the poor admired by the rich.
He ain’t no tiger… He’s a cheetah.
His swing looks like he’s fighting off a swarm of bees
His putting stroke looks like he is trying to kick- start a Harley.
I found Jesus on the golf course. Well at least I heard his name several times.
A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.
The size of the divot is directly proportional to the frustration felt.
Swing hard, in case you hit it!
You always know a bad golfer’s name. He’s always cursing at himself.
I never found golf interesting, but then I learned thats just where men go to let go of there anger.
My golf score seems to improve considerably when I have the score card.
The difference between a great golfer and an average golfer is not that a great golfer is incapable of hitting a poor shot, it is what he does after that shot.
I hold several records on the golf course, but they all pertain to beer.
They named it GOLF because all the other Four- Letter words were taken.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
- Phyllis Diller
The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
- Ben Hogan
I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.
- Buddy Hackett
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
- Lee Trevino
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
- Harry Vardon
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
- George Deukmejian
Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf… And you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
- Jack Benny
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
- Jim Bishop