Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings
Marriage is a sacred institution, everyone who does it ends up with their own private room eventually.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
A husband’s last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.
Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!
A man marries a woman hoping she would never change, a woman marries a man thinking that she can change him.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
- Charles Bukowski
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio.
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
- Gene Perret
My wife swept me off my feet when we first met now all she does is tell me to lift my feet so she can sweep!
Marriage is grand. Divorce, 200 grand.
Always remember: she’s right, you’re wrong, and you’re sorry.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
- Bill Cosby
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Marriage is like a jacuzzi, it’s hot until you get used to it.
When a man goes down on his knees to ask a women to marry him, and she says yes, he remains on his knees forever.
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
- Groucho Marx
Isn’t it weird that before you have children, people warn you that they can be expensive and sometimes difficult? Why didn’t I ever get warned about marriage?