Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann
Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.
The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
In our marriage everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, we wears. I shop, he pays!
Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken
Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for many years. I love her so much that I don’t like to interrupt her.
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams