Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann
Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.
The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
You have got to get married you just can’t go through life enjoying yourself.
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand
For happy married life men must remember: when you are wrong confess immediately, when right keep mum.
Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
I haven’t spoken to my wife for many years. I love her so much that I don’t like to interrupt her.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield