Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.
Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
- Henry Louis Mencken
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- Max Kauffmann
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
- Evelyn Hendrickson
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
- Sam Kinison
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You have got to get married you just can’t go through life enjoying yourself.
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield