Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann
The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
– Bill Maher
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand
Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken
Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner