Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2

18

The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.

Submitted by: stephen
15

Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Submitted by: Jack
16

Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.

Submitted by: nancy saliba
9

Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.

Submitted by: kygman
4

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray

9

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

4

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
- Henry Louis Mencken

4

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- Max Kauffmann

4

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Henny Youngman

4

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
- Evelyn Hendrickson

4

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
- Sam Kinison

4

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

4

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

9

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

10

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner

11

Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.

Submitted by: supriya
4

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

9

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

5

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

5

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

4

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2

You have got to get married you just can’t go through life enjoying yourself.

Submitted by: George Valentine
5

Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!

Submitted by: Bob Bedford
5

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

5

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield


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