Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann
Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.
The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…
Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand
Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman
Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
You have got to get married you just can’t go through life enjoying yourself.
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams
I thought I was stupid until I got married, my stupidity was confirmed.