Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings
My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!
My wife treats me like a God… She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Groucho Marx
Remember- you can either be happy or RIGHT.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran
I thought I was stupid until I got married, my stupidity was confirmed.
When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.
Height of misunderstanding – A man marrying his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
– Elbert Hubbard
You have two options in a marriage. You can either be happy or you can be right.
Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
– Chris Rock
Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
I don’t like the terms “housewife” and “homemaker” I’m prepared to be called “Domestic Goddess”.. It’s more descriptive.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
Once upon, there was this man who asked a woman “Will you marry me?”
The woman said “NO!”
Then the man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and did whenever he wanted.
“THE END” (…true story)