Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

The only mistake for which people are congratulated is marriage.

Submitted by: ratnadeep

Always remember: she’s right, you’re wrong, and you’re sorry.

Submitted by: Jamie K.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner

It seems like I was only married yesterday……..If it was tomorrow I would cancel it.

Submitted by: Darkside

Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.

Submitted by: kygman

Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…

Submitted by: Maximillian

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand

My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!

Submitted by: Rhonda

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

My wife treats me like a God… She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

Submitted by: Siddharth Manchanda

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran

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