Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 6
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- Max Kauffmann
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
- Joey Adams
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
- Elbert Hubbard
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
- James Holt McGavran
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henry Youngman
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly