Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 6

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The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~ E. Joseph Cossman

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner

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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

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I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann

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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman

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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand

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Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

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Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

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Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
Elbert Hubbard

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

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Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman

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Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton

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I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray

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It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost

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A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
– Henry Youngman


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