Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 6
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- Max Kauffmann
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
- Evelyn Hendrickson
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
- Sam Kinison
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
- Natalie Wood
Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
- Beverly Nichols
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
- Joey Adams
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
- Elbert Hubbard
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield