Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
Elbert Hubbard

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
– Henry Youngman

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
– Billy Connolly

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken

Love is blind, marriage is the eye- opener.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
– Charles Bukowski

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
Mae West

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