Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7

10

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx

11

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

3

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

10

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

5

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Evelyn Hendrickson

4

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison

3

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood

5

Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
– Beverly Nichols

3

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

5

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

5

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

3

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.

6

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman

9

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand

10

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

4

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

10

Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
Elbert Hubbard

5

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

4

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

4

A husband’s last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.

2

I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
– Charles Bukowski

1

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
Mae West

5

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
Gene Perret


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