Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Groucho Marx
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Evelyn Hendrickson
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood
Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
– Beverly Nichols
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
– Barbra Streisand
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
– Elbert Hubbard
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
A husband’s last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
– Charles Bukowski
Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
– Mae West
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
– Gene Perret