Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman

Why all married men go to heaven?
Because they cannot be in hell twice.

Submitted by: munaf

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood


Love is blind, marriage is the eye- opener.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton

Married men live longer, but they are also more willing to die in more than one way!

Submitted by: Jack

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Bill Cosby

Husbands? Just two words: “Yes, dear.”

Submitted by: Nicole

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

Bride, n. – A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is worse than prison. There is no parole for good behavior.

Submitted by: Ed

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