Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
– Robert Frost
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
– Henry Youngman
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
– Woody Allen
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
– Billy Connolly
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
– Henry Louis Mencken
Love is blind, marriage is the eye- opener.
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Groucho Marx
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Evelyn Hendrickson
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Sam Kinison
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
– Charles Bukowski
Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
– Mae West
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
– Gene Perret