Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
- James Holt McGavran
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henry Youngman
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
- Henry Louis Mencken
Love is blind, marriage is the eye- opener.
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
- Groucho Marx
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
A husband’s last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
- Charles Bukowski
Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
- Gene Perret