Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings - Page 7
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
- Elbert Hubbard
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
- Patrick Murray
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
- James Holt McGavran
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henry Youngman
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
A husband’s last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.
I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
- Charles Bukowski
Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
- Gene Perret