Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: A man woke up in the morning...

Submitted by: MiseryinMakeup
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Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

Submitted by: debbie
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I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: I never understood why we call men...

Submitted by: Corilayn
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Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Here’s all you have to know about...

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Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and...

Submitted by: lucie stone
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Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Men are like parking spaces; The good...

Submitted by: admin
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While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: While creating men, God promised women that...

Submitted by: Jessica!
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Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever...

Submitted by: Kaylaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

Funny Men Quotes Quote: You know… There is a name for...

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The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t...

Submitted by: Monica Louise
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So many men so little asprin.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: So many men so little asprin.

Submitted by: Jóna
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MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS...

Submitted by: JoeAnn
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Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Men are like trees, they take forever...

Submitted by: Madisoneats pickles
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Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Men are the head of the family...

Submitted by: umut
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Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Men are like commercials, you can’t believe...

Submitted by: Tandy
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The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…

Funny Men Quotes Quote: The more I see of men, the...

Submitted by: Moi
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When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: When you see a homeless man, feel...

Submitted by: Brooke
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Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys

Funny Men Quotes Quote: Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little...

Submitted by: frosty
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There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: There are easier things in life than...

Submitted by: 100%Moi!!!!
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The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.

Funny Men Quotes Quote: The only difference between men and boys...

Submitted by: mary ann rising
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