Funny Men Quotes and Sayings
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- George Carlin
While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.
Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
- Bill Maher
Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.
I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.
When SHE cancels a date, it is because..
“She has to.”
When HE cancels a date, it is because..
“He has two.”
The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.
The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.
Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
- George Carlin
Don’t trust a man who offers you the moon and the stars… Cause God knows his arms can’t reach that far.
Men only have two faults, everything they say and everything they do.
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.
So many men so little asprin.
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…
Always go for a beautiful, intelligent & loving boy. But make sure the three boys don’t meet each other.
The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys!
Women would rather be beautiful than smart only because men can see way better than they can think.
One day a man asked a genie to make him smarter than any other man on earth. The genie turned him into a woman.
If women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t men belong in the garage with all the other tools?! (- :
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.