Funny Men Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
If they can send man to the moon why can’t they send them all?
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, every saturday he and his friends will load up beer and go fishing.
Don’t trust a man who offers you the moon and the stars… Cause God knows his arms can’t reach that far.
Always go for a beautiful, intelligent & loving boy. But make sure the three boys don’t meet each other.
The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys!
If you want to give a guy a compliment, just tell them that they are good at video games.
He’s a good man – he doesn’t flirt, drink, smoke or gamble and his children are adopted.
What are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? “Hold my purse”
The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
There are three types of men in the world.
Men that are dominated by women and know it.
Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
Men only have two faults, everything they say and everything they do.
Most men think monogamy is what dining room tables are made of.
If not for women we won’t know sin. If not for eve, adam will still be on point.
Women would rather be beautiful than smart only because men can see way better than they can think.
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.
I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.
There are two kind of men who don’t understand women: singles and husbands.
Wise woman always support there husbands career, they know there investing in a higher- future- alimony.
Having more than one wife is bigamy, having more than one husband is insanity!
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
They say, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a Man healty, wealthy and wise”, Well I’m not too sure if its entirely true, because I have never seen a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends with the same boss.
God made men because every good thing needs a blue print.
Why don’t men get Mad Cow Disease?
Because they’re all pigs.
Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.
One thing all men need to know: Its cheaper to keep her.
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys
What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.
Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
- George Carlin
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- George Carlin
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
- Bill Maher
So many men so little asprin.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.