Funny Men Quotes and Sayings
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.
– Tim Allen
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
– Elayne Boosler
Chocolate, men, coffee – some things are better rich.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
– Jackie Mason
Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Men are like blenders. You know you need one, but you’re not sure why.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
– Rita Rudner
Men are like toilets; deep, dark and full of sh**!
A man can never be careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.
If human beings originated from monkeys, why do men act like dogs???
All men are dogs, the difference is the barking rate!
Men don’t take direction very well. But eventually when they realize the direction was correct they take all the credit.
Dogs should not be compared to men, they are much better.
Behind every successful man there’s a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are several women.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
– Rene Descartes
Boys are like dogs they run away then come back to you the very next day.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
– Rita Rudner
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
– Dave Barry