Funny Shirt Quotes and Sayings
I’m sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.
Always remember you’re unique… Just like everyone else.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
All men are idiots And I married their king.
In America Anyone Can Be President That’s One of the Risks You Take.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.
No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn’t work anyway!
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
I wear the brains in the family.
BEER It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Out of my mind… Back in five minutes.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS–But it uses up a thousand times the memory.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
Whatever the questions is, Liquor Is The Answer
Your Boyfriend Thinks I’m Hot.
Weapons Of Mass Distraction.
This is my drinking shirt.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?
Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.
I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.
Where there’s a will… I want to be in it.
Us blondes aren’t dumb.
Wasted All The Time.
Life’s Too Short To Date Ugly Women.
Blonde and proud of it.
Don’t Annoy The Crazy Person.
Don’t make me call out my Flying Monkeys.
I’m with Stupid.
I don’t need no Educashun.
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its legal till u get caught.
its funny till sumone gets hurt…. tHen iT Is HilLarIoUs
looking for a girlfriend
a word to the wise aint necessary- its the stupid ones that the advice
silly boys, trucks are for girls
Sorry if I have repeated some of these somewhere else, I can’t really keep track, sorry!
So much to do and so many things to distract me.
Who needs a therapist? I have a sister!
RETIRED: I was tired yesterday and I’m tired today.
Everyone is born right-handed, only the truly gifted can overcome it.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could use power tools?
You’re looking at a legend.
Yes, I know I need a haircut.
I’m going off to go find myself. If I’m not back by the time I return, keep me here.
I’m not fluent in idiot, so please speak very slowly to me.
7 out of 3 people are math illiterate.
To my best recollection, I can’t remember.
It’s kind’a hard to show that I care, b e c a u s e I d o n ’ t.
I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.
Warning! This shirt has sharp edges!
Those who think they know everything annoy those of us that actually do.
[this WHOLE thing is verticle]“ WARNING!!! MIND OUT OF CONTROL!!!
Keep staring… I might do a trick
I would put something CLEVER here… but you just wouldn’t get it!
If you can’t see the bright side of life, try polishing the dull side.
You’re just jealous because the voices talk to me.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running, try to keep up!
There’s intelligent life on Earth…but I’m just visiting.
Beware of the Software Engineer who carries a screwdriver
Whoever said nothing’s impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
My shirt has words on it.
I’m not a pyromaniac, I just like to set things on fire.
When all else fails, read the manual.
Keyboard missing…press F3 to continue.
If aliens are looking for intelligent life… then why the heck are you scared?
Press any key. (…) NO! NO! Not that one!!!
I HEAR VOICES… and they don’t like you.
Back off man, i’m a scientist.
I’M SMILING, THAT ALONE SHOULD SCARE YOU.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Always borrow money from a pessimist, he won’t be expecting it back.
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of very high explosives.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you.
If you can’t fix it with duct tape, then you haven’t used enough.
If at first try you don’t succeed, then erase all evidence that you tried.
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the art; professionals built the Titanic.
Whoever said ‘there’s no smoke without fire’ has never tried to catch a plastic bottle on fire with a magnifying glass.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
If plugging it in doesn’t help, then try turning it on.
I’m not a complete idiot, several parts are missing!
‘Hit any key’… with what?
Always remember… you’re unique just like everyone else.
Excuse me, but do I look like someone who cares?
Do not disturb, I’m disturbed enough already.
I don’t have a license to kill, I have a learners permit.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I’m not getting smaller, just backing away from you!
Thank you for calling tech support, your ignorance is my job security.
I don’t have a short attention span I. . . Ooh look! A kitty!
Mac users swear by their computers, Windows users swear at their computers.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty
Optimist: The glass is half full
Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Things I learned from video games:
1. Vehicles are indestructable
2. You’re always outnumbered 100 to 1
3. Anybody can fly a spaceship
4. Guns come with little crosshairs for the target
5. If you die, you can always just respawn
6. If you destroy your car, there’s always another one
7. Eat all the food you find on the ground
8. Bad guys always have very terrable aim
9. Guns are always just lying around on the ground
10. Taking a few bullets is nothing
11. Bad guys always look the same
12. Anybody can jump 5 feet high
13. If it’s too hard, then just use some cheats
Did your boyfriend say you were “hot” well if thats what he said about your ugly a** then lord knows what he will say about me. Because i look a hell lot better than you.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice; then sit back and watch as the world wonders how you did it.
im sorry but this is not a quote but boy are some of the quotes hilarious thank you for creating them
I am Virgin.. but this T Shirt is too old
your boyfriend said hi!
Sentimental inside
Before you critize someone. You should walk a mile in there shoes. That way, when you critize someone. You are a mile away from him. And you have there shoes.
dont read this notice
im not a nerd…my computer says im not
Why did the chicken cross the road?
because there was a
free beer on the other side
this is not a quote. and some of these quotes are really awesome!!! Keep it Up man….
Work, yeah I tried that once. Worst 7 minutes of my life.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
i am not completely useless. i can be used as a bad example!
FRONT: tHIS Shirt has letters and numbers on it
back:
6547823
TOLD YOU IT HAD NUMBERS
IM WITH STUPID
oh great whered he go now?
WARNING: THIS SHIRT MAY CAUSE:
STARING
POINTING
AND MILD TO EXTREME LAUGHTER!