Funny Women Quotes and Sayings
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- George Carlin
If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… Just couple of nations not talking with each other.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
- George Carlin
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
God made Adam first because he didn’t want any advise from Eve how to make Adam.
Women: Scientifically proven to be right even when they’re wrong.
When a women says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
Women sleep on the right side of the bed because even in their sleep they have to be right!
You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde
Men will spend 2 dollars on a 1 dollar item that they desperately need. Women will spend 1 dollar on a 2 dollar item that they don’t need at all.
One day, a long long time ago, there was a woman who didn’t complain, criticize, or nag…but like I said, it was a long long time ago and just for a day!
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
- Rudolph Valentino
What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
- Lord Byron
Women Are Like Hurricanes… When They Come, They’re Loud… When They’re Gone, So Is The House, The Dog And The Car.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
- Tim Allen
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.
- Bill Cosby
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.
Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
- Edgar Watson Howe
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
- Rita Rudner
The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.
- Freya Stark
Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash, artificial face and sometimes fake behavior, yet a woman will say she needs a real man.
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three- dollar pantyhose that won’t run.
- Phyllis Diller
Only a woman can make a man feel wrong, when he does good.
Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty- eight and forty.
- James Thurber
Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
- Sigmund Freud
What would be men without women?
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner
When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?
- Dame Edith Evans
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.
For all men who say ‘A woman’s place is in the kitchen’ remember that’s where the knives are kept.
Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected :]
No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers
Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
- Sean Williamson
There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.