Funny Women Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
– Sigmund Freud
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three- dollar pantyhose that won’t run.
– Phyllis Diller
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
– Gilda Radner
Only a woman can make a man feel wrong, when he does good.
No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
– Joan Rivers
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
– Tim Allen
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
– Edgar Watson Howe
Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected :]
If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable.
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends’.
There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
– Rita Rudner
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I am the boss in this house my wife told me so.
Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.
– Suze Orman
Women make me happy and accepting that I will never be able to understand them makes me happier still…:)
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.
Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!
What would be men without women?
Women… Can’t live with ‘em… Can’t shoot ‘em.
When it comes to men, women are like monkeys, they won’t let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on another!
A women may be misinformed, mislead, unclear, misguided, and even downright stupid..but she is never ever wrong.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
– Groucho Marx