Funny Women Quotes | Witty Sayings about Women - Page 5

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
– Edgar Watson Howe

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What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.

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Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it,
Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!

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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
– Rita Rudner

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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
– Groucho Marx

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I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
– Jerry Seinfeld

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The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.
– Freya Stark

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Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.

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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
– Phyllis Diller

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There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.

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What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
– Lord Byron

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Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no- one likes to have to keep one.
– W. C. Fields

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As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
– Oscar Wilde

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From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
– Raymond Chandler

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Why do only 60% of women go to heaven…because if they all went it would be hell.

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Going through the Alligator Alley and looking at these gators reminds me of my Ex. All mouths and no ears.

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Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty- eight and forty.
– James Thurber

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Communication through females is still much faster than emails!

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The best years of a woman’s life – the ten years between 39 and 40.

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