One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. – Edgar Watson Howe
What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.
Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it, Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire? – Rita Rudner
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. – Groucho Marx
I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA. – Some Woman
What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders. – Jerry Seinfeld
The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised. – Freya Stark
Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.
What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman. – Lord Byron
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no- one likes to have to keep one. – W. C. Fields
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. – Oscar Wilde
From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away. – Raymond Chandler
Why do only 60% of women go to heaven…because if they all went it would be hell.
Going through the Alligator Alley and looking at these gators reminds me of my Ex. All mouths and no ears.
Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty- eight and forty. – James Thurber
Communication through females is still much faster than emails!
The best years of a woman’s life – the ten years between 39 and 40.
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