Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West

Women are an alien race set down among us.

There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.

Going through the Alligator Alley and looking at these gators reminds me of my Ex. All mouths and no ears.

Submitted by: Allen

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty- eight and forty.
– James Thurber

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
– Raymond Chandler

Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no- one likes to have to keep one.
– W. C. Fields

Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
– Sean Williamson

Only two things can change a woman’s mind:

1. I love you.
2. 50 percent discount.

Submitted by: simplaz

Men are from mars, women are from “Do I look fat in these?”.

Submitted by: george mattson

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.
Oscar Wilde

I’ll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.

I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

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