Humour Quotes and Sayings - Page 2
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make- up.
- Marian Keyes
The human body is the best work of art.
- Jess C. Scott
My heart has more rooms in it than a whore house.
- Gabriel García Márquez
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
- Niels Bohr
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
- Oscar Wilde
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
- Dave Barry
Short cuts make long delays.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.
- Peter Ustinov
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde
I don’t deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.
- Douglas Coupland
Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class – Hope your surgery went well!
- Simone Elkeles
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody’s fingers.
- Rodney Dangerfield
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- George Carlin
To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
- Oscar Wilde
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.
- Oscar Wilde
When I was your age, television was called books.
- William Goldman
If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.
- Johnny Depp
I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they aren’t around.
- Charles Bukowski
It seems to me that a man who is incapable of humor is capable of cruelty.
- Bette Greene