I’ve just looked at myself in the mirror,
My God! what a terrible sight,
Eyes are all bleary and bloodshot
As if I’ve been boozing all night.
My nose is too large and it’s ugly,
It’s oozing all over my face,
And the place that I think that my mouth is
Is nowt but a blooming great space.
My five o’clock shadow looks dirty,
My forehead is wizened and lined.
People with faces like mine is
Ought to be heavily fined.
The effect that it must have on children
Is shattering, and on the old.
I should have been exterminated
At birth, or so I’ve been told.
My hair is all wild and unruly,
There are bags hanging under my eyes,
My cheeks are all hollow and sunken,
For my looks they don’t give a prize.
Still, I’ve got quite a wonderful nature,
I’m generous, good-hearted, and kind,
Perhaps I’ll get lucky and marry
A good looking girl who is blind.
This poem was written/submitted by Ken Carter.