My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no [...]
Golf is a funny game and today seemed to go my way, so it was nice to get off to a good start.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s [...]
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men [...]
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called [...]
I’m sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.
Always remember you’re unique… Just like everyone else.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
All men are idiots And I married their king.
In America [...]
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I like my whisky old and my women young.
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.
Most women are not as young as they are painted.
What a strange thing man is; and what [...]
If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will [...]
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
When I read about [...]
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
You can’t be late until you show up.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
The secret to creativity is [...]