Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
- Steven Wright
Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
Silence is golden.
duct tape is silver.
People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!
That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
You go girl! And don’t come back.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
Police pulls over a speeding car ;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.
Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.
You’d be in good shape…if you ran as much as your mouth.
If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
Sure I’ll help you out…the same way you came in.
I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.
When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
You: Do you want a piece of my mind?!
Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.
Tell me .. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
Question: Do you know who I am????
Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten?
Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.
Find your patience before I lose mine.
Sales Clerk: Sir are you going to buy that?
Person: No, I’m just shop lifting it all the way to the cash register…
Sarcasm (n.) – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it…!
If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.
See this hand?
It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.
You: OMG did you just fall.?
Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face.!
Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
“Don’t make me hit you again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, cause I can read??”
You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!
I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.