Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Submitted by: kate

Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal) <3.

Submitted by: Rose

I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

Submitted by: Bubbles

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

Submitted by: katx.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Submitted by: Angel Geo

There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent?

Submitted by: Alex

The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out of 10 doctors would prescribe.

Submitted by: shawnn

Mom: Have you picked out what you’re wearing to school tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: What is it?
Me: Clothes!

Submitted by: Ylime Eyaf Steehs

Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch?
Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.

Submitted by: Darian

I am not bad. I am just dangerously awful.

Submitted by: Tiela Selepe
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Instant idiot, just add alcohol!

You’d make the perfect blueprints to build an idiot!

Submitted by: Morgan Decker

Have you heard about the discount for deodorant from Nivea?

Submitted by: Ema

No sh*t Sherlock!

Submitted by: Java the hut

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

Submitted by: derek dsemre

Man, I sure do hate a bag of air with chips in it.

Submitted by: Iamunknown

Person 1: What do you think we should make for dinner?
Person 2: Food.

Submitted by: Iamunknown

Person 1: Did you fall?
Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a**.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

Sorry, my fist meant to caress your face.

Submitted by: Iamunknown

You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.

Submitted by: Vuyie

I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.

Submitted by: Vuyie
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My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title

How very observant of you there captain obvious.

Submitted by: Lima Tiapula

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Submitted by: Sir Custac Cant

A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?”
My response: You’re as straight as a circle.

Submitted by: Aj

3 A. M. Phone call
– Hey are you asleep?
– No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!

Submitted by: Jox_Touchdown

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