Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said…
I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.

Submitted by: Sir Custac

About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?”
I reply “Check the oven”.

Submitted by: reddevil109

Person 1: Are you sleeping?
Person 2: Oh yes, I’m always having conversations in my sleep…

Submitted by: mimi

Cop pulls over a car:
Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over?
Driver: You thought I had donuts?

Submitted by: GumboCharlie

I ain’t sleeping. I am just looking into my eyelids.

Submitted by: kala

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.

Submitted by: Mrs. Melissa Maxwell, AR

There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent?

Submitted by: Alex

Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic.

Submitted by: Kelley

I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).

Submitted by: Lowkeyfan

You: Are you sleeping?
Me: I’m not sleeping, I’m just trying to suffocate this bug in my eye… It might take a while.

Submitted by: whit

Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

Submitted by: Munkichikin

Never judge a book by its cover but always by it’s price tag.
If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat.
At times the way you choose to ignore me, I feel God is still with me.

Submitted by: Abhay

You: “what are you wearing to the halloween party?”
Me: ” I don’t know.”
You: “We should go as each other!”
Me: “Fine with me . . . At least I’ll win the scariest costume award.”

Submitted by: Kari

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

Submitted by: magda

So did you choose today to humiliate yourself in public?

Submitted by: ohwhatever!

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