Before talking please connect the tongue to the brain.
Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.
Mom: Have you picked out what you’re wearing to school tomorrow? Me: Yeah. Mom: What is it? Me: Clothes!
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
Time flies when I’m with you… Well, it’s because I zone out mostly.
I’m not good at giving advice…how about sarcasm?
You: Go to hell. Me: I go on vacations there.
Text : Hey, you up??!! Text response: Nope, just fell asleep an hour ago. . .
Just because people don’t understand you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
A: I hate ugly things. B: So I’m sure that you hate mirrors.
3 A.M. Phone call… Hey are you asleep?… No I’m sky diving!
Oh yeah, the louder you yell, the more right you are. Turn off the lights…you look better that way.
Police pulls over a speeding car: Cop: Mam, do you know why am I standing here? Driver: Cause you got all D’s in high school?
It’s not that they’re ugly. It’s just that everybody else is better looking.
You: What are you doing? Me: The answer to that question will be revealed from the God given thing that we call eyes.
You must be really clever to act so stupid all the time.
There’s a fine like between being tanned, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.
A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility. – Lawrence G. Lovasik
I’ll be a millionaire once I’m done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet!
Man, I sure do hate a bag of air with chips in it.
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