Short Funny Quotes

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?


263 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 … 14 Next »

  • 1. devon wrote on 10 August, 2007, 11:58
     Vote: Add rating 373  Subtract rating 159  

    practice makes perect but then nobody is perfect so wats the point of practicing?

  • 2. tara:littlestar wrote on 1 September, 2007, 7:32
     Vote: Add rating 391  Subtract rating 73  

    why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

  • 3. jimmy macfetus wrote on 18 September, 2007, 1:17
     Vote: Add rating 305  Subtract rating 495  

    devon needs to get a life
    is that a good Quote

  • 4. Jaime wrote on 23 September, 2007, 7:41
     Vote: Add rating 254  Subtract rating 84  

    Life is Short – Talk Fast!

  • 5. Emilee wrote on 27 September, 2007, 12:13
     Vote: Add rating 263  Subtract rating 130  

    save water and shower together

  • 6. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:10
     Vote: Add rating 99  Subtract rating 177  

    If you are grouchy, irritable, or mean, there will be a $50 fee to put up with you.

  • 7. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:13
     Vote: Add rating 182  Subtract rating 139  

    POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on

  • 8. Allyson wrote on 2 October, 2007, 6:22
     Vote: Add rating 289  Subtract rating 84  

    save paper don’t do home work

  • 9. Arjay wrote on 3 October, 2007, 8:57
     Vote: Add rating 255  Subtract rating 88  

    Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!

    If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

  • 10. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating 73  Subtract rating 175  

    A man went to the wise man at the mountain and asked him,” Whats the piont of life?” and the wise old man said” I don’t know ask a girl.”

  • 11. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating 247  Subtract rating 87  

    Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

  • 12. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 22:00
     Vote: Add rating 264  Subtract rating 67  

    If a rose represents love, then why does it always die?

  • 13. Sam wrote on 5 October, 2007, 19:43
     Vote: Add rating 186  Subtract rating 91  

    homework is killing
    trees, stop the madness!

  • 14. taylor wrote on 27 October, 2007, 18:39
     Vote: Add rating 212  Subtract rating 55  

    Laugh Until You Cry
    Cry Until You Laugh

  • 15. Dilip wrote on 30 October, 2007, 10:58
     Vote: Add rating 307  Subtract rating 87  

    I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

  • 16. Shortie wrote on 31 October, 2007, 17:24
     Vote: Add rating 185  Subtract rating 93  

    If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?

  • 17. someones liking ***!!! wrote on 2 November, 2007, 18:00
     Vote: Add rating 154  Subtract rating 390  

    omg i love this one!!!

    its hard to love someone that doesnt love you but its harder to know u lovesome one but u lost ur chance with them.
    yeahhaa boyyy im talented!! LoL!

  • 18. Natalie Martinez wrote on 5 November, 2007, 13:50
     Vote: Add rating 153  Subtract rating 130  

    If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you dont have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

  • 19. cam wrote on 7 November, 2007, 11:49
     Vote: Add rating 206  Subtract rating 88  

    why fight to live when we live to die???:)

  • 20. Nataly wrote on 9 November, 2007, 15:09
     Vote: Add rating 256  Subtract rating 48  

    - Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday…

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