Short Funny Quotes

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You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

Funny Quote: You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I...

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Submitted by: 'Becca

Never steal. The government hates competition.
Funny Quote: Never steal. The government hates competition.

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Submitted by: ashley

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Submitted by: Scholtzy

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Submitted by: Cigaro

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Submitted by: devon

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Funny Quote: This dog, is dog, a dog, good...

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Submitted by: amal

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Funny Quote: Everybody wishes they could go to heaven...

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Submitted by: Wise man

Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

Submitted by: katrina

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Submitted by: tara:littlestar

DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.

Funny Quote: DON’T HIT KIDS!!! No, seriously, they have...

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Submitted by: I

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Jinny

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Submitted by: I

Smile…It confuses peple..!!

Funny Quote: Smile…It confuses peple..!!

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Submitted by: Pankil

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

Funny Quote: Life is like a hot bath. It...

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Submitted by: Freak.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Funny Quote: An apple a day keeps the doctor...

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Submitted by: sammie

If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Submitted by: daprincessishere

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Submitted by: cassie

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip

I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Submitted by: **THD Rulez**

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

Funny Quote: All guys hate the words DON’T and...

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Submitted by: dominic

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Submitted by: Julio

Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.

Submitted by: DirtySouth

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