Short Funny Quotes

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220

Never steal. The government hates competition.
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Submitted by: ashley
316

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Submitted by: Scholtzy
398

You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

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Submitted by: 'Becca
220

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan
82

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
- Steven Wright

Submitted by: Jinny
236

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

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Submitted by: Wise man
142

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Submitted by: I
152

Smile…It confuses peple..!!

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Submitted by: Pankil
299

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Facebook-Status-(1)

Submitted by: amal
306

Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

Submitted by: katrina
89

I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Submitted by: **THD Rulez**
166

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

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Submitted by: sammie
245

DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.

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Submitted by: I
799

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Submitted by: Cigaro
249

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

31

Submitted by: Freak.
156

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

117

Submitted by: dominic
47

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Submitted by: subhadeep samantaray
87

When nothing goes right, Go left.

Submitted by: marie
601

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Submitted by: devon
110

I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Submitted by: Susan

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