Short Funny Quotes
Often when I fall, I don’t wake up. I lie there and enjoy my nap.
I may be irresponsible but I am a good irresponsible.
- Nicholas Sparks
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
~ E. Joseph Cossman
As an explosive tester I love my job. One day while starting to defuse the bomb my best friend and I started to laugh. He laughed because he thought it was fun, I laughed because I had no idea what I was doing.
The tools I need for my work are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whiskey.
-William Faulkner
War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.
- William Faulkner
Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.
- Charles de Gaulle
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
- Charles de Gaulle
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
- Charles de Gaulle
There’s a price you pay for chewing your mouth so fast, you tongue is at risk!
The time to begin most things is ten years ago.
- Mignon McLaughlin
Employee; Can I have a few days off?
Boss: Why?
Employee: The voices have been telling me to clean my guns.
Boss: Take as much time as you want and don’t hurry back.
The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.
- Steve Martin
All writers should be put in a box and thrown in the sea.
- Gordon B. Hinckley