Short Funny Quotes

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You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

Funny Quote: You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I...

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Submitted by: 'Becca

Never steal. The government hates competition.
Funny Quote: Never steal. The government hates competition.

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Submitted by: ashley

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Submitted by: Scholtzy

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Submitted by: Cigaro

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Submitted by: devon

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Funny Quote: This dog, is dog, a dog, good...

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Submitted by: amal

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Funny Quote: Everybody wishes they could go to heaven...

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Submitted by: Wise man

Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

Submitted by: katrina

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Submitted by: tara:littlestar

DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.

Funny Quote: DON’T HIT KIDS!!! No, seriously, they have...

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Submitted by: I

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Jinny

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Submitted by: I

Smile…It confuses peple..!!

Funny Quote: Smile…It confuses peple..!!

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Submitted by: Pankil

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

Funny Quote: Life is like a hot bath. It...

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Submitted by: Freak.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Funny Quote: An apple a day keeps the doctor...

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Submitted by: sammie

If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Submitted by: daprincessishere

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Submitted by: cassie

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley

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