Short Funny Quotes

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?


259 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 … 13 Next »

  • 1. devon wrote on 10 August, 2007, 11:58
     Vote: Add rating 357  Subtract rating 151  

    practice makes perect but then nobody is perfect so wats the point of practicing?

  • 2. tara:littlestar wrote on 1 September, 2007, 7:32
     Vote: Add rating 369  Subtract rating 70  

    why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

  • 3. jimmy macfetus wrote on 18 September, 2007, 1:17
     Vote: Add rating 294  Subtract rating 475  

    devon needs to get a life
    is that a good Quote

  • 4. Jaime wrote on 23 September, 2007, 7:41
     Vote: Add rating 230  Subtract rating 79  

    Life is Short – Talk Fast!

  • 5. Emilee wrote on 27 September, 2007, 12:13
     Vote: Add rating 244  Subtract rating 121  

    save water and shower together

  • 6. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:10
     Vote: Add rating 97  Subtract rating 164  

    If you are grouchy, irritable, or mean, there will be a $50 fee to put up with you.

  • 7. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:13
     Vote: Add rating 175  Subtract rating 131  

    POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on

  • 8. Allyson wrote on 2 October, 2007, 6:22
     Vote: Add rating 269  Subtract rating 80  

    save paper don’t do home work

  • 9. Arjay wrote on 3 October, 2007, 8:57
     Vote: Add rating 242  Subtract rating 82  

    Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!

    If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

  • 10. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating 67  Subtract rating 164  

    A man went to the wise man at the mountain and asked him,” Whats the piont of life?” and the wise old man said” I don’t know ask a girl.”

  • 11. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating 229  Subtract rating 83  

    Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

  • 12. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 22:00
     Vote: Add rating 244  Subtract rating 64  

    If a rose represents love, then why does it always die?

  • 13. Sam wrote on 5 October, 2007, 19:43
     Vote: Add rating 175  Subtract rating 85  

    homework is killing
    trees, stop the madness!

  • 14. taylor wrote on 27 October, 2007, 18:39
     Vote: Add rating 196  Subtract rating 53  

    Laugh Until You Cry
    Cry Until You Laugh

  • 15. Dilip wrote on 30 October, 2007, 10:58
     Vote: Add rating 284  Subtract rating 83  

    I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

  • 16. Shortie wrote on 31 October, 2007, 17:24
     Vote: Add rating 170  Subtract rating 90  

    If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?

  • 17. someones liking ***!!! wrote on 2 November, 2007, 18:00
     Vote: Add rating 149  Subtract rating 366  

    omg i love this one!!!

    its hard to love someone that doesnt love you but its harder to know u lovesome one but u lost ur chance with them.
    yeahhaa boyyy im talented!! LoL!

  • 18. Natalie Martinez wrote on 5 November, 2007, 13:50
     Vote: Add rating 147  Subtract rating 123  

    If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you dont have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

  • 19. cam wrote on 7 November, 2007, 11:49
     Vote: Add rating 191  Subtract rating 82  

    why fight to live when we live to die???:)

  • 20. Nataly wrote on 9 November, 2007, 15:09
     Vote: Add rating 235  Subtract rating 48  

    - Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday…

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