Short Funny Quotes
For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.
Why do people try park as close as the can to the entrance when they go to the gym to work out?
A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.
When all else fails, read the directions.
If Microsoft buys Facebook. Than the first notification we will get will be: “You have to install driver to add friends”.
Vegetarians, if you want animals to live, why do you eat their food.
Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.
If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it’s one of two things, either a new girl, or a new car!
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.
Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
Did you ever get that when you walk up the stairs and then half-way up you stop because you forget what you wanted to do, not noticing that you holding up the people that wants to get on the plane.
It’s funny when a dare devil blasts past you in the traffic when you’re just cruising and when you pull up to the traffic lights you’re next to him!
I never fall off.
Dismount with style.
I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.
Installing love. ……44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.
If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.
Fact of life after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF!!!
Anti-Pick Up Lines:
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I’d rather have the money.
He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.
He: Go on. Don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.
He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?
He: Shall we go see a movie?
She: I have already seen it.
He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.
He: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things.
I currently live in the 9021 broke.
Breast implants gave my wife more confidence, and me more boobs.
During surgery: “The lights went out. But that won’t stop us.”
During surgery: “A screwdriver?. This can’t be right.”
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
During surgery: “Alright everyone, let’s dig in.”
Bumper sticker: I worked at hooters. Fifty years ago.
If soap tasted good I would never get clean.
During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.”
My tiger is my best friend. After the cage is closed.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!
Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra