Short Funny Quotes
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
- Steven Wright
Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
When nothing goes right, Go left.
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.