Short Funny Quotes

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel….just pray it’s not a train!.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

590 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 730 Next »

  • 1. Callie W. wrote on 18 July, 2007, 10:22
     Vote: Add rating1325 Subtract rating511 

    Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
    It always gets laughs!

  • 2. devon wrote on 10 August, 2007, 11:58
     Vote: Add rating2006 Subtract rating499 

    practice makes perect but then nobody is perfect so wats the point of practicing?

  • 3. tara:littlestar wrote on 1 September, 2007, 7:32
     Vote: Add rating1547 Subtract rating351 

    why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

  • 4. Jaime wrote on 23 September, 2007, 7:41
     Vote: Add rating1196 Subtract rating370 

    Life is Short – Talk Fast!

  • 5. Emilee wrote on 27 September, 2007, 12:13
     Vote: Add rating1323 Subtract rating472 

    save water and shower together

  • 6. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:13
     Vote: Add rating796 Subtract rating573 

    POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on

  • 7. Allyson wrote on 2 October, 2007, 6:22
     Vote: Add rating1228 Subtract rating321 

    save paper don’t do home work

  • 8. Arjay wrote on 3 October, 2007, 8:57
     Vote: Add rating1033 Subtract rating312 

    Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!

    If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

  • 9. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating355 Subtract rating747 

    A man went to the wise man at the mountain and asked him,” Whats the piont of life?” and the wise old man said” I don’t know ask a girl.”

  • 10. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59
     Vote: Add rating984 Subtract rating304 

    Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

  • 11. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 22:00
     Vote: Add rating1310 Subtract rating213 

    If a rose represents love, then why does it always die?

  • 12. Sam wrote on 5 October, 2007, 19:43
     Vote: Add rating759 Subtract rating303 

    homework is killing
    trees, stop the madness!

  • 13. taylor wrote on 27 October, 2007, 18:39
     Vote: Add rating861 Subtract rating210 

    Laugh Until You Cry
    Cry Until You Laugh

  • 14. Dilip wrote on 30 October, 2007, 10:58
     Vote: Add rating1317 Subtract rating319 

    I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

  • 15. Shortie wrote on 31 October, 2007, 17:24
     Vote: Add rating775 Subtract rating315 

    If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?

  • 16. Natalie Martinez wrote on 5 November, 2007, 13:50
     Vote: Add rating529 Subtract rating482 

    If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you dont have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

  • 17. Nataly wrote on 9 November, 2007, 15:11
     Vote: Add rating1002 Subtract rating560 

    Sex without love is like food without taste

  • 18. YoungBlood wrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:21
     Vote: Add rating585 Subtract rating364 

    Why fight to live when we live to die???

    YoungBlood: Because, perhaps there are few dying to live. :p

  • 19. Scar wrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:25
     Vote: Add rating311 Subtract rating517 

    What is to be will be, BUT…. What is not to be Could happen

  • 20. Sweetie wrote on 16 November, 2007, 20:18
     Vote: Add rating579 Subtract rating175 

    Flying is learning how to fall without hitting the ground.

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