Short Funny Quotes

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“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”
I don’t judge, God does. But God is in me that’s why I do.

Submitted by: sofiaaaa♥

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Submitted by: sofiaaaa♥

I walk around like everything is fine.
But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Submitted by: sofiaaaa♥

When everyone else is fighting over the biggest slice of cake, make sure you quickly eat the rest.

Submitted by: phil Batchelor

I tried coke once. The bubbles burned my nose and I almost drowned.

Submitted by: tmvic

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
Steve Martin

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen

If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.
Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock

Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself.
Chris Rock

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