Short Funny Quotes

New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

CUDDLE BUDDY NEEDED: Flexible hours. Minimum 2 nights a week. Must have great cuddling & massage skills. Conversation skills not necessary

Technically you could live without food for the rest of your life.

Submitted by: Echo

You might be a firefighter if the microwave goes off and you run out of the house thinking it was your pager.

You might be a fireman if you’ve ever said, “she’s hot tonight” and not been talking about a girl.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

And, sure, fine, I do check my phone about every two minutes, but so do a lot of people, and it’s better than smoking, that’s what I say. It’s the new, lung-safe cigarette.
– Aimee Bender

You know, a cell phone’s like a guy; if you don’t plug him in every night, charge him good, you got nothing at all.
– Catherine Coulter

When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment, now that I’m a mom I think nap time is a vacation.

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My kid is napping. If you wake ’em, you take ’em.

I feel like I should clean the house so I’m going to take a nap until that feeling passes.

Traverse: One of two ways to stop while skiing. Tree: The other method.

You can ski on zis side of ze mountain, or on zat side of ze mountain, but not in ze middle

I’m so sad it’s Friday. I wish it was Monday already’ said No one in history, ever.

I know every day is a gift, but where’s the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.

It’s Friday! I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.

Ahhh Friday…my second favorite F word!

I would like to thank God and Ice Cube for Friday!

The Friday drink fairy is here. I keep telling her it’s too early, she just laughs and says, ‘Go on, I dare you.’ Well friends you know me… I love a dare!

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There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: Boom Shakalaka

Welcome to Friday. In preparation for takeoff, please ensure all negative attitudes are properly stowed. On behalf of your captain, Jack Daniels and myself, welcome aboard. I expect sunshine and good attitudes today for our trip. Enjoy the ride.

Everybody has their Favourite Villain and MONDAY IS MINE.

I don’t Think there will be Enough Coffee or Middle Fingers for This Monday.

After Monday, Tuesday even the calendar says W.T.F.

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