Short Funny Quotes

I’m not saying you’re ugly, I’m just saying you’re about 8 beers away from being my type.

When people call you photogenic, they’re actually trying to tell you that you look uglier than your pics.

I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.

Submitted by: Julio

One can be very much in love with a woman without wishing to spend the rest of one’s life with her.
W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil

Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
Garrison Keillor

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
Kurt Vonnegut

Two wrongs don’t make a right.
No, but three will get you back on the freeway!
Rita Mae Brown

High heels were invented by a woman who had once been kissed on the forehead.
Rita Mae Brown

So the Titanic is coming out again but in 3D…I wonder if they will see the iceburg this time…

2 hour movie, 30 second sex scene. Guess which part your parents walk in on…

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