Short Funny Quotes

“I need some time to process this”, said a computer to another after a break-up.

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran

When life gives you lemons, vlog about it on YouTube.

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran

I am into technology, the study of techno music.

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran

My pub in the alps has been voted the best in the world. Have I set the bar too high for others?

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran

Ladies stop worrying about finding Mr. right. All you need to do is find a guy and drag the idiot to the right!

Submitted by: unknown

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
– Henny Youngman

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.
– Jack Benny

I don’t understand how some people have the courage to tell their crush they like them. I don’t even have the courage to ask for extra ketchup at McDonald’s.

I like fat people more than I like thin people, things are always a lot more funnier when they happen to fat people.

You are so fat, people jog around you for exercise.

Want to look skinny without losing any weight? Hang out with fat people.

I swear, I don’t mind being fat…Until we reach a mall. Then I wish I was skinny!

I’m not fat. I’m just so sexy that it overflows.

What do you call a fat girl dancing in a club? Alone.

I’m in shape. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong one.

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