Short Funny Quotes

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I want to have fun, but I don’t quite know how.
Malala Yousafzai

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

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