Short Funny Quotes
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
– Steven Wright
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)
I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
When nothing goes right, Go left.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
– George Carlin
Teacher: Imagine you’re in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do?
Boy: Easy, stop imagining.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??
Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.