Short Funny Quotes - Page 12

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
When I read about [...]

286 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”

• 221. Dale_M wrote on 2 July, 2009, 9:00

   Vote: 25   34  

  If life throws lemons at you, throw back a hand grenade.
• 222. sakshi wrote on 5 July, 2009, 13:53

   Vote: 37   32  

  i was born intelligent……….but studies ruined me………
• 223. Sweet22 wrote on 6 July, 2009, 11:16

   Vote: 40   17  

  Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
• 224. refat ali wrote on 24 July, 2009, 23:11

   Vote: 22   31  

  Knock knock how about ding dong the joke is getting old.
• 225. Andrew wrote on 4 August, 2009, 10:58

   Vote: 42   12  

  I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
• 226. Sara wrote on 9 August, 2009, 6:16

   Vote: 81   10  

  I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.

  I didn’t hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
• 227. - Kaila wrote on 13 August, 2009, 10:29

   Vote: 24   10  

  There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
• 228. Kazzaaa wrote on 13 August, 2009, 10:32

   Vote: 60   5  

  Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
• 229. subhadeep samantaray wrote on 23 August, 2009, 7:12

   Vote: 91   2  

  Whenever I find the key to success , someone changes the lock…
• 230. KazeGirl wrote on 23 August, 2009, 12:04

   Vote: 42   2  

  I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
• 231. Freakychick wrote on 28 August, 2009, 13:08

   Vote: 19   9  

  Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … but she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
• 232. magda wrote on 31 August, 2009, 3:06

   Vote: 14   17  

  Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
• 233. magda wrote on 31 August, 2009, 3:07

   Vote: 42   2  

  A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
• 234. Ryan wrote on 15 September, 2009, 6:33

   Vote: 30   67  

  Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
• 235. Swapnil wrote on 16 September, 2009, 19:24

   Vote: 72   7  

  Your intelligence is my common sense.
• 236. Kooldude wrote on 19 September, 2009, 13:12

   Vote: 19   105  

  I was an atheist until i realized that i was God.
• 237. Carla wrote on 24 September, 2009, 21:53

   Vote: 74   12  

  People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
• 238. dragon wrote on 26 September, 2009, 10:33

   Vote: 30   6  

  Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
• 239. Natalie wrote on 26 September, 2009, 16:19

   Vote: 46   43  

  He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
  She: Awww! How sweet!
  He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!

  He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
  She: Why?
  He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!

  He: Hi!
  She: Hi.
  He: Have I seen you somewhere?
  She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
• 240. Everett McNear wrote on 29 September, 2009, 22:03

   Vote: 20   36  

  I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell…no I’m not…I’m taking the stairs not the elevator.