If life throws lemons at you, throw back a hand grenade.
i was born intelligent……….but studies ruined me………
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
Knock knock how about ding dong the joke is getting old.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Whenever I find the key to success , someone changes the lock…
I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … but she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
Your intelligence is my common sense.
I was an atheist until i realized that i was God.
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot. She: Awww! How sweet! He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven? She: Why? He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi! She: Hi. He: Have I seen you somewhere? She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell…no I’m not…I’m taking the stairs not the elevator.
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If life throws lemons at you, throw back a hand grenade.
i was born intelligent……….but studies ruined me………
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
Knock knock how about ding dong the joke is getting old.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Whenever I find the key to success , someone changes the lock…
I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … but she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
Your intelligence is my common sense.
I was an atheist until i realized that i was God.
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell…no I’m not…I’m taking the stairs not the elevator.