Short Funny Quotes
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I’ve got problem for your solution…
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.
Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
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HELP!! How do you dail the number 911????
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My Reality Check bounced.
I am here so what are your other two wishes?
Hating me wont make you pretty!
If i followed you home, would you keep me?
You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Life is just an illusion created by a lack of alcohol
If you cant get someone out of your head,
.. then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
I cant swim but its not that im afraid of the water its that the water is afraid of me.
**when life gives you lemons.. squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***
~Life’s not about getting out of a storm.. its about learning how to dance in the rain~
-Behind the make up behind the smile.. i’m just a girl who wishes for the world-
=All men die.. only a few ever really lived=
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs
a good friend will be there to lend u an unbrella but a best friend will take urs and say run bi**h run!!
when i speak with my eyes, i tell more than just one story.
You cry, I cry, ….you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff i laugh even harder!!
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
So she smashed her rearview mirror,
cause from now on shes never looking back
Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.
Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.
When life gives you a lemon… squeeze it in a water pistol and shoot someone between the eyes!
Sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll,
Speed, weed && birth control,
Life’s a b***h and then we die,
So f**k the world and lets get high =] x
Normal people use spoons. But, I am not normal. Although, I do find it hard to eat soup with my hands, a fork, or a butterknife.
Smile and the whole world will smile with you!
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];
if my friends jumped off a cliff i would be the first one off the cliff. i just hope they follow.
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. the richer the better!
Drink triple, see double, act single, because if you don’t remember it never happened
when life gives you lemons, you’re probably allergic…
Dream as you will live forever, live as you would die tomorrow!
Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…
My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(
Love is like getting sick,
Because everyone goes through it.